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The truth between God, Satan & FileMaker. Finally!


harryglos
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Greetings My Fellow FileMaker-Ins,

 

Yes, I'm sure you always new you would here it first... Right here on the ol Café. So hear it is my friends! And you know if you're getting it from me you're getting it straight!

 

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. God then created FileMaker to identify, organize and give meaning to our lives and said, "It is good." And fileMaker kept track of the numbers!

 

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ice Cream and Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled and added other databases to confuse and confound! And fileMaker kept track of the numbers!

 

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." and said, "It is good." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast. And some in the database kingdom were smited with the terrible demon of DOS. And fileMaker kept track of the numbers!

 

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." and said, "It is good." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof and a “Window” was created adding derision and confusion to the kingdom. And fileMaker kept track of the numbers!

 

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food." And fileMaker kept track of the numbers!

 

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds and said, "It is good." And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds. And fileMaker kept track of the schedule.

 

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition and said, "It is good." And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds. And fileMaker kept track of the numbers!

 

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite and said, "It is good." And Satan created the 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Man went into cardiac arrest. And fileMaker kept track of the numbers!

 

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery and said, "It is good." Then Satan created HMOs. And fileMaker kept track of the numbers!

 

God then gave us FileMaker Pro 8 with Auto-complete, Calendar drop-down, added speed and functionality and Mouse wheel support," and said, "It is good." Satan gave us still more databases, some with names, some with numbers, to misdirect and confuse, claiming to be “better than FileMaker”. And fileMaker kept track of the numbers!

 

God then spoke of the future of FileMaker, and said, "It is good." He spoke of Satan using two words. Extra crispy! And fileMaker keeps getting the numbers!

 

Live Long & Prosper and Remember Who Love ya

 

Harry

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hey Fellow Filemaker-ins

 

Maybe you can use some words on nutrition and health. It should be a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

 

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than FileMaker-ins.

 

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than FileMaker-ins.

 

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than FileMaker-ins.

 

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than FileMaker-ins.

 

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than FileMaker-ins.

 

CONCLUSION

 

Eat and drink what you like.

Speaking English and FileMaker-in is apparently what kills you.So Cool!

 

Live Long & Prosper and Remember Who Love ya

 

Harry

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