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My Uncle use to love me but she died!


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Greetings one and All,


What does the name of this post mean you ask? Absolutely nothing, just like the rest of this post. If I were you I'd not even read it...



I must first tell you of a huge honor recently bestowed upon me by FileMaker, Inc. Out of over a million FileMaker users they chose me, good ol Harry to write the first FileMaker jingle. I know what your thinking, where did FileMaker get enough money to afford Harry. The jingle had to be creative and really tell the FileMaker story and because I care for you guys so much, I'm going to put the song right here on the cafe for your enjoyment. I ask only that you sing along to feel the full flavor of the message. You all sing along now.


Bumbly- Bumbly, Doo-Doo-Doot, Doo-Doo-Doot

Bumbly- Bumbly, Doo-Doo-Doot, Doo-Doo-Doot

Bumbly- Bumbly, Doo-Doo-Doot, Doo-Doo-Doot, Doot, Doot, Doot, Doot, Doot,



We only use 10% of our brain ya know. Imagine how much I could accomplish if I used the other 60%.


It seems as though a lot is going on in the FileMaker kingdom. I have it on good authority, meaning I'm making the whole thing up, that some goodies are coming our way. It's funny how we get involved with things. When I first got into computing, Lisa was Apple's machine of the future. Just as I was giving strong consideration to purchasing Lisa, no not just for the night you sick-o's, I started hearing about this new machine Apple was getting ready to introduce called Macintosh. After seeing it, I just decided that the Mac was going to be the winner, so I bought the Macintosh and never looked back.


Database's, now that's a whole new thing. I spent a lot of money and a greater amount of time trying to decide what database to settle on. First it was Double Helix and although I like it and did some good things with it. The reality came quickly that we live in a Pc world and Helix was not Pc compatible. My next one was 4D and I don't know, I could never get comfortable with it. I'm not sure exactly why, it just didn't fit with what I was doing at that time. Then I checked out Fox Pro, I'd heard a lot about it's great speed and networking capability and thought lets give it a shot. Some months later I was begging someone to shoot me. Then it was Omnis. For $395.00 it had to be good right! That thing almost had me checked into a clinic. Then out of the blue came FileMaker from a company called Nasheba and I thought for a $99.00 special offer I couldn't go wrong. And I'm here to tell you I did not go wrong.


I know that a lot of people were complaining that it wasn't relational it was flat file and it lacked much of the sophistication of other packages. But I fell in love with it's easy of use and it's programming simplicity. I don't remember if this special offering came with FileMaker from Nesheba (I'm probable spelling it wrong) or when Apple bought it. But there was a brochure that came with FileMaker from a company called Packer Software. They offered a ready to go solution to handle inventory, invoicing, contacts etc. and I thought yes Sir, that's for me! And it was open architecture, so I could go in and see how the whole thing worked. It was one of the best investments I've ever made because it gave me the understanding of how FileMaker works by people whom really new the product. I've never looked back and FileMaker has never given me reason to. I'm criticized sometimes for sounding like FileMaker's public relations man. But the product is just that good and I think you may not know how good until you've tried the others.


My wife and I were in church last Sunday, no not a pagan temple. The minister said the three most common causes of divorce involve money, sex and communication. At that my wife leaned over to me and said, then we should be OK, we don't have any of those. Don't ya just hate that!


Live Long & Prosper and Remember who love ya,



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Oh Harry!


How can you do this to us?

First of all you are found guilty of humour!

aka'We only use 10% of our brain ya know. Imagine how much I could accomplish if I used the other 60%".

I must admit after reading the lyrics I thought the same!

after singing the song you wrote I can imagine which 10% you used! (Bowl movement!)


Then you slip in a-'Some Goodies are coming our way'& thats it.OK! Now you have our attention!!

What is coming? & more importantly when?

Without giving anything away could you at least indicate a when or do we have to spend the intermediate time trying to put a suitable tune to your lyrics which eventually would send us mad and the arrival of any any goodies would pale into insignificance.


Be well! can't wait for the next chorus.



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Greetings Perverts, Reverts and Converts,


I've got a lot of good FileMaker informatin for you good folks today... Oh, did I tell you about guy who wrote the IRS I've been unable to sleep knowing that I've been cheating on my taxes. Enclosed is a check for $200.00. If I still can't sleep, I'll send the rest.


Quote: OK! Now you have our attention!! What is coming? & more importantly when?


I have it from an unimpeachable source that FileMaker will be out with a major upgrade by the end of July and will include some new and significant special conversion files, data control, speed refinements and new enhancements for the Web!


However, you may want to weigh the merits of that statement against another call from a unimpruneable source saying that the timing and enhancements could be cut back! You get it prune, cut back, man I kill myself sometimes, I just kill myself. Yes, I know many of you would pay big to participate in that process!


As my Guru, Ma-hereeshee-go-brawless, recently said. "Never light a candle if the room is not dark!" Oh yes, true words to live by grass-hoppa.


Did you guys notice on the post just above this one, that ol FileMakin' Tom is chiming in again complaining about FMP 7. It's because of this new diet he's on. It's called the whiskey diet. Hey don't laugh he's already lost three days!


Quote: Can't wait for the next chorus.


If you sang along with that song there could only be one chorus left for you. What kind of fool am I?


I can sure tell it's getting nicer outside. You guys are already calling in with lame excuses.


Chopper: I hurt myself bowling.

FileMakin' Tom: I was spit on by a venomous snake.

Ender: I forgot to come back after lunch.

Kjoe: I had to be there for my wife's grand jury trial

Blackcat: My monkey died.

Ugo Di Luca: Somebody blew smoke in my face.

Ted S: I really don't remember other than it was significant.

Vaughan: There was a pack of wolves and...

Wingwalker: Hey, I thought she really loved me!


I was in the doctor's office the other day and the nurse handed me an examining gown. I told her I could never remember, Does the opening go in the front or the back? She shrugged and said, Doesn't matter you're gettin the same either way. Don't you just hate that!


Live long & Prosper and Remember Who Loves Ya,



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Tee many martoonis Harry! Hell . . . I am still trying to find "Define Fields" in the abortion known as FMP 7.x.

Since its release my business on 5.5-6.0 has doubled. Seems like I am not the only one on the 7.x diet. LOL



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Hello there FileMakin’ Tom and greetings one and all.


Well, what can we say about Tom's post. What can we say about a man who just refuses to do what is necessary when it is necessary. Holding on to the old and degenerating into a disquieting shell of a man who will simply not change with the times and unblinkingly look the future dead in the face. But, enough about me!


Let’s talk bulbous, as in huge, as in large, as in humongous as in, you get the idea. I was looking through the FileMaker Business Tracker the other day and never really paid attention to its size. That mondooker is 41 MB. And that’s with next to no data! I realize we are in an era of huge hard drives and faster processors, but “good night nurse”, this defies any form of reason. Man 41 MB… I’d love to hear from anyone who is using the Business Tracker for their day-to-day business. One of these days I’m going to import some records to see how it handles it from a pure speed standpoint. My bet is “Not Well”.


See, we don’t always understand what’s in front of us or ask the right questions. Just the other day my wife called down to the local home-improvement store for some advice. She said “I know Sheetrock is nailed to the studs,” but how do I find the studs?” He responded “I know your husband and my suggestion is put an ad in the personals column.” Don’t you just hate that!


Live Long & Prosper and Remember Who Love yu,



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aka'We only use 10% of our brain ya know. Imagine how much I could accomplish if I used the other 60%".

I must admit after reading the lyrics I thought the same!

after singing the song you wrote I can imagine which 10% you used! (Bowl movement!)


Well that's a bit harsh. I thought it was quite catchy. Maybe a bit *too* catchy - but that's another matter...


However what I was *really* wondering is who has got the other 30% of harry's brain, and what exactly are they doing with it?! shocked.gifcrazy.gif

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Hello Ray


You're right of course; the song was very catchy indeed. And what Steve wrote about it was, admittedly very rude and insensitive once you recognize the incredible man hours necessary to create such a, dare I say masterpiece. I can now tell you honestly, his harsh commentary did make me tear up.


Now to get directly to your question regarding the 30%. It has always been a topic of family conversation that the potential was there of my being from the shallow end of the Glosenger gene pool. Ray, you have a doctorate and are a great scalar and obviously by your comment a true music efishinoto. So you know better than most that we are products of our environment, family and education. I recently had something happen that was a significant determinant towards suppressing this percentage.


I was at the local grocery store the other day and put a bar of soap, a toothbrush, toothpaste, a pint of milk and a frozen TV dinner in my cart. As the cashier was ringing up the items she says, "I bet you're single." I asked her how she could tell, because of my purchases? She said "No it's because you're goofy-looking." Don't you just hate that!


Live Long & Prosper and Remember Who Loves ya,



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Hi they're FileMakin'Tom.


Just for the record. I ain't no geek! A freak of nature, maybe, but no geek. Look, I wanted a woman who would stay with me so I'm dating a girl on house arrest. See, freak not geek!


You need to clean up your act and get into 7 my friend. I know you say you're doing well in 5 & 6 but I'm starting to have bad dreams about you. It was horrible, a thing horror for sure. I think I can still remember some of it. I was something like this.


If [Get (ScriptParameter ) = "1"]

Set Field [Reference::gBozoBoy; 1]

Go to Layout [Toms-missin-da-boat]

Sort Records [Restore; (without 7 you have) No dialog]

End If

Select Window [Oh where or where has my Tommy gone]

Refresh Window [Just give him a slap]

Loop (da-loop da-loop da-loop)

Pause/Resume Script [When the boy wakes the heck up]

Select Window [Name: Get with the program buddy]

End Loop


I know what your thinking, Harry really knows this scripting language.


I told my wife "I just heard that the mailman has seduced every woman on the block but one." My wife said, "I bet it's that stuck-up Brenda in number 33." Don't you just hate that!


Live long & Prosper and remember Who Loves Ya,



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  • 1 year later...

Hey Harry!


I wrote all the FileMaker templates while at Packer Software, starting back in the good ol' days of FileMaker Pro 2.0, and I'm always happy to hear that the work did more than just keep inventory! I've done a lot since but it all started there!


Best Wishes...



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Jeff I bid you welcome,


Well Jeff, it is indeed a pleasure to have you stop by and say hey! I of course remember you very well from what you did at Packer Software. Others may remember you best for what you did to get your picture in local post offices. I personally never put much stock in all of that… So your middle name is “Capone” and you enjoy making Valentines Day into something special! Hey that could happen to any of us...smiley-tongue-out


The Packer templates were an excellent business and training tool and were probably the single most important item that sparked my continuing interest in FileMaker. Something that will probably not further ingratiate you to the FileMaker community. So we'll just keep that between us!smiley-smile


It was truly an excellent product and helped my FileMaker learning curve in more ways than you can imagine. I especially remember the importance of seeing how to set up and print an invoice and how line items worked. It’s funny sometimes the things you remember, like your manual for example. It was very well done, but what I remember best was the statement and I paraphrase, but not by much, “Don’t call without reading the manual and performing the tutorial”! We don’t deal well with stupid questions was the inference and I frankly liked it. I did talk to, I believe his name was Sandy, a couple times and he was both courteous and helpful and also let me know “Now that is a really stupid question”! You may now have a better understanding of the impact it had on my delicate psyche. As I remember it did make me tear up!smiley-cry


It’s great to hear from you Jeff and I hope to see more of you on the Café and especially “The World of HarryGlos”. It would be an honor to have you as a part of our illustrious group! Maybe you can teach the rest of them to be less rude and obnoxious. Maybe wish them a "Happy Valentines Daysmiley-laughing


Live Long and Prosper and Remember Who Loves ya,



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Hi Harry,


As I read your post I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be at a funeral where you delivered the eulogy! Not a dry eye in the place right!smiley_cool



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